“Talia Kolker institutes the ‘National Weather Warning Service’ to help notify citizens of changes in weather conditions and to warn the nation when severe weather may strike. To date, they have been almost 40 percent accurate!”
We have appointed several skilled technicians to work on correcting the bugs in the system as quickly as possible. As for the meteorologists, each one is extremely qualified and very talented at what they do.
“When Talia Kolker learns that on the whole, the citizens of Taliatopia struggle with dental hygiene, educational programs were immediately set up to teach children how to properly brush their teeth!”
Nothing is more important than the well-being of as many people as possible. We believe that the best way to ensure a much higher rate of healthy adults is to instill good health habits in children at a young age.
“Taliatopia announces the creation of a national football team today!”
The creation of a national football team will contribute not only to Taliatopia’s commerce and entertainment, but also to school athletics departments.
“Cell phone users in Taliatopia can talk as much as they wish as the government has piled money into research which provides devices that are 100% safe.”
We are pleased to announce that all toxic cell phones have been recalled and removed from the market; we are in the process of neutralizing their harmful ingredients so they may be safely recycled. Rest assured that all new cell phones and personal communication devices on the market are certified toxin-free.
“Marijuana has been legalized in Taliatopia, but the sales tax has insured that only the rich can afford this luxury.”
We are in the process of adjusting the sales tax on marijuana to reflect appropriately on our economic situation. Please be informed that marijuana is legal and available to everyone over the counter.
“Talia Kolker has replaced all the nation’s medical administration staff with government officials to ensure the quality of care for patients.”
Unfortunately, we have uncovered a large amount of corruption running rampant through the medical administration staff across the nation. With a standard of administration across the board, we will be able to eliminate much red tape, paperwork, and vast hidden opportunity for money laundering, due to a new administration of transparency.
“Following complaints by a small religious group, restaurants in Taliatopia now contain a ‘meat-eater’ and a ‘non-meat-eater’ section. The only way to get a reservation in the more exclusive restaurants in Taliatopia is to order a salad as a main course, and pay the same price as you would for a steak!”
This change in restaurant etiquette will benefit not only a “small religious group,” but everyone who has ethical objections to eating meat that cause them to bodily react when faced with animals being eaten. The price of restaurant meals will continue to reflect the individuality of their ingredients and preparation, and any person may choose to sit anywhere in any restaurant, regardless of their personal eating habits.
“When crops in Taliatopia were being eaten by the Baderdid bug, Talia Kolker invested government funding to research alternative methods of deterring the pests, finding that if farmers will simply pee directly on their crops, the bugs will not approach them!”
Would you?
“Unified Postal Service, one of the nation’s largest delivery companies, announced today that their official colors will be changed from brown and gold to pastel pink and orange! Talia Kolker forced the company to change the colors when a suspected terrorist group stole over 1,000 delivery driver uniforms!”
Effective immediately. Please do not open your door to a postal worker wearing the previous uniform of brown and gold. Do not panic. Keep out of visibility range, away from windows. Call 9-1-1 immediately, and wait for help to arrive.
“Talia Kolker opens ten new parks in Taliatopia today which will ensure safe facilities for the nation’s children!”
We invite you all to enjoy our new parks year round! Please help us keep our parks clean and safe.
“When citizens in Taliatopia complain about the slow speed limits, Talia Kolker says that safety is always a priority, and that the government backs the current speed limit regulations!”
We believe that if citizens are frustrated with the regulated speed limit, it is usually because they are used to abusing it. Please be informed that the current speed limits have been set in place and are enforced for the safety of everyone.
“Taliatopia opens its doors to international investigation of potential ancient artifacts which would find Taliatopia as the first advanced civilization.”
Regardless of the results of the digs, whether Taliatopia is proven to be the first advanced civilization or not, we believe the most important thing to gain from this unique opportunity is the knowledge that comes from seeking new information.
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